There's a long few beats where Jedao just keeps touching Quentin's hand, knuckles digging for a little while into Quentin's palm, massaging the disproportionate magician's muscles there.
"This isn't working is easy. I need to stop is harder, but I'm better at it than I used to be. This is the thing I'm scared of, you could use this to destroy me, that's hardest, even when I'm calm." Although he did it once, with Quentin, with nothing but a ragged scrap of sneering contempt to cover the horror of it: I'm afraid of the dark.
Although he still doesn't have the courage to draw attention to it.
"I've...done things here I didn't want to, because I was scared. Not during sex, but still." Here meaning, on the barge; here meaning, with someone who would never have asked it of him if he hadn't compulsively hidden how he could be so easily hurt. "But I was a lot more guarded with him than I am with you. As long as I remember it's you, as long as I don't have to - explain stopping." He thinks he could do it.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2018-08-05 06:36 am (UTC)"This isn't working is easy. I need to stop is harder, but I'm better at it than I used to be. This is the thing I'm scared of, you could use this to destroy me, that's hardest, even when I'm calm." Although he did it once, with Quentin, with nothing but a ragged scrap of sneering contempt to cover the horror of it: I'm afraid of the dark.
Although he still doesn't have the courage to draw attention to it.
"I've...done things here I didn't want to, because I was scared. Not during sex, but still." Here meaning, on the barge; here meaning, with someone who would never have asked it of him if he hadn't compulsively hidden how he could be so easily hurt. "But I was a lot more guarded with him than I am with you. As long as I remember it's you, as long as I don't have to - explain stopping." He thinks he could do it.