Jedao makes a soft huffing noise that might be a chuckle as Quentin removes the gag, nuzzling Quentin and pressing a few light kisses of his own against the corner of Quentin's mouth, against cheek, against his jaw. His arm comes up shakily to stroke Quentin's spine.
"You were marvelous, darling," Jedao croaks, throat a little raw from shouting useless into the gag, his words a little bit slow but not slurred. He feels blessedly quiet now inside, worn out past the point of worrying, misty and lazy and sore.
He answers, and presses a reverent kiss to his forehead, before he sits reluctantly up.
"I've got some water, and some sweets for you." Because he is a reader, and the books say that this part is important. "Don't worry about me, just take it very slow. Gentle now."
"I'm the one who asked for this," Jedao reminds him, reaching for Quentin with the same arm he started with, which trembles slightly after all the exertion, and he doesn't manage to pull Quentin back down.
"Did you - like it, then?" he asks, feeling uncharacteristically shy.
He admits, and reaches up to brush the hair off his face, then thumb a tear away, along his temple, before grabbing the water off the dresser and cracking the cap, holding it gently up for him to take a tiny sip.
"Is that weird? I know it was therapeutic, I feel weird how- greedy I felt."
"And give me everything I needed," Jedao murmurs, before lying back and opening his mouth with a cheeky look. He isn't usually particularly fond of sweets, but he'll gladly take the opportunity to coax Quentin into hand feeding him.
Jedao curls up willingly in Quentin's lap, turning to press his face against Quentin's neck for long moments, nuzzling and breathing in the smell of him before allowing himself to drink more.
"It wasn't anything like I imagined," he admits. "But sort of perfect. It was so - direct, the feeling, I couldn't slide out from under it even for a moment."
"If you told me that for your emotional health you needed me to leave you alone right now I could probably wait outside the bedroom door, but I might have to press my ear against it."
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He murmurs, and settles in, smiling against the crook of his shoulder.
"I am in awe of you. Oh- shit, you're still gagged."
Shifting up onto his knees to go get the knot, to come pepper his face with soft kisses.
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"You were marvelous, darling," Jedao croaks, throat a little raw from shouting useless into the gag, his words a little bit slow but not slurred. He feels blessedly quiet now inside, worn out past the point of worrying, misty and lazy and sore.
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He answers, and presses a reverent kiss to his forehead, before he sits reluctantly up.
"I've got some water, and some sweets for you." Because he is a reader, and the books say that this part is important. "Don't worry about me, just take it very slow. Gentle now."
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"Did you - like it, then?" he asks, feeling uncharacteristically shy.
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He admits, and reaches up to brush the hair off his face, then thumb a tear away, along his temple, before grabbing the water off the dresser and cracking the cap, holding it gently up for him to take a tiny sip.
"Is that weird? I know it was therapeutic, I feel weird how- greedy I felt."
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"Greedy how?"
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He says, and recaps the bottle, setting it aside, moving to reach for one of the little chocolates he found him.
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"You must be exhausted. Catch your breath."
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He turns his head, presses a kiss to Quentin's wrist.
"I'm resting, love. I'm not going anywhere."
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He says, and keeps stroking, now shifting up to invite him into his lap, while he offers him water.
"Stay here and keep where I can see you."
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"Yes, sir," Jedao says, teasing a little.
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"That's right, sir. Don't forget it just yet."
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"That was intense."
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"I had a backup plan."
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"You asked about electricity," he remembers.
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He promises, and reaches for the blankets, grabbing a corner and tweaking them to come up over Jedao's toes, for warmth.
"If you ever want to do it again."
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"You'll stay with me? You said you'd - want to."
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He says, and strokes his hair back once more.
"What do you want more of? Chocolate, water?"
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"Did you - why did you pick that, for the end?"
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He says, and squeezes the nape of his neck, eyes closing, cheek resting against the top of his head.
"Didn't know in advance."
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He asks, and nuzzles the top of his head.
"It felt like it. Felt like the universe went just right."
suicidal ideation
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cw mental health, depression
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cw more suicide stuff
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