"I'm the one who asked for this," Jedao reminds him, reaching for Quentin with the same arm he started with, which trembles slightly after all the exertion, and he doesn't manage to pull Quentin back down.
"Did you - like it, then?" he asks, feeling uncharacteristically shy.
He admits, and reaches up to brush the hair off his face, then thumb a tear away, along his temple, before grabbing the water off the dresser and cracking the cap, holding it gently up for him to take a tiny sip.
"Is that weird? I know it was therapeutic, I feel weird how- greedy I felt."
"And give me everything I needed," Jedao murmurs, before lying back and opening his mouth with a cheeky look. He isn't usually particularly fond of sweets, but he'll gladly take the opportunity to coax Quentin into hand feeding him.
Jedao curls up willingly in Quentin's lap, turning to press his face against Quentin's neck for long moments, nuzzling and breathing in the smell of him before allowing himself to drink more.
"It wasn't anything like I imagined," he admits. "But sort of perfect. It was so - direct, the feeling, I couldn't slide out from under it even for a moment."
"If you told me that for your emotional health you needed me to leave you alone right now I could probably wait outside the bedroom door, but I might have to press my ear against it."
He stumbles through it now, because they didn't just brush up against it, they slid right through it, perfect as threading a needle. Jedao's defenses are all as far down as they go, and Quentin has a right to whatever Jedao can tell him, to more than pinpoint confirmation.
"You almost saw once, with my gun - it's not hurting myself really. But it's calming too, sometimes. Just to - hold it, put it against my jaw. To pretend I might. Only it doesn't work as well, since I've actually died here. But then you - and it felt - it felt like everything."
"It's - I'm not sure? Sometimes we have different words for things." In the case of echo damage. Or no words, in the case of whatever Mikodez pretends not to have.
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"Did you - like it, then?" he asks, feeling uncharacteristically shy.
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He admits, and reaches up to brush the hair off his face, then thumb a tear away, along his temple, before grabbing the water off the dresser and cracking the cap, holding it gently up for him to take a tiny sip.
"Is that weird? I know it was therapeutic, I feel weird how- greedy I felt."
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"Greedy how?"
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He says, and recaps the bottle, setting it aside, moving to reach for one of the little chocolates he found him.
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"You must be exhausted. Catch your breath."
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He turns his head, presses a kiss to Quentin's wrist.
"I'm resting, love. I'm not going anywhere."
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He says, and keeps stroking, now shifting up to invite him into his lap, while he offers him water.
"Stay here and keep where I can see you."
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"Yes, sir," Jedao says, teasing a little.
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"That's right, sir. Don't forget it just yet."
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"That was intense."
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"I had a backup plan."
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"You asked about electricity," he remembers.
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He promises, and reaches for the blankets, grabbing a corner and tweaking them to come up over Jedao's toes, for warmth.
"If you ever want to do it again."
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"You'll stay with me? You said you'd - want to."
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He says, and strokes his hair back once more.
"What do you want more of? Chocolate, water?"
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"Did you - why did you pick that, for the end?"
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He says, and squeezes the nape of his neck, eyes closing, cheek resting against the top of his head.
"Didn't know in advance."
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He asks, and nuzzles the top of his head.
"It felt like it. Felt like the universe went just right."
suicidal ideation
He stumbles through it now, because they didn't just brush up against it, they slid right through it, perfect as threading a needle. Jedao's defenses are all as far down as they go, and Quentin has a right to whatever Jedao can tell him, to more than pinpoint confirmation.
"You almost saw once, with my gun - it's not hurting myself really. But it's calming too, sometimes. Just to - hold it, put it against my jaw. To pretend I might. Only it doesn't work as well, since I've actually died here. But then you - and it felt - it felt like everything."
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"So does your universe talk about depression? Or is it in the box with the other genuine fears and vulnerabilities?"
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cw mental health, depression
cw mental health, depression
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cw more suicide stuff
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