Date: 2016-03-15 09:18 pm (UTC)
utselet: (everything that)
From: [personal profile] utselet
"I don't think you would have wanted me around during," she admits. Nothing about it had been very pleasant, herself included. She'd ended up fighting with or avoiding half her friends, and even if she also had a couple of bizarre reconciliations in there, she knows she wasn't particularly nice about them.

It's not the image she wants to project with anyone -- not the sweet, quiet Nina she'd rather they see her as -- and certainly not with him. "But I do, too," she adds softly, watching him as he sets up.

Date: 2016-03-15 10:40 pm (UTC)
utselet: (i wanna leave my footprint)
From: [personal profile] utselet
It's not entirely untrue. She has a bad habit of bitching and moaning during her lessons themselves, and God only knows what it would be like if she were really unfiltered during them, but it feels good to be working towards something. When she's at her most frustrated, she thinks about Lefortovo, about sitting and staring blankly at the walls for hours on end, and she usually -- sometimes -- feels a little better. At least she's trying.

And if she's feeling kindly towards him, she thinks about how much worse it would be with someone else at the helm, too. She's had worse teachers.

Today, he brings with him something that feels like hope at the end of a very long week. "Spells?" she asks, sitting up a bit straighter, neck craning to look at the book under his arm. Is she going to do some actual magic today?

Date: 2016-03-16 10:25 pm (UTC)
utselet: (when i leave this world)
From: [personal profile] utselet
"Yes, of course," she says, looking a little puzzled, although she immediately comes to the same conclusion:

"These are to be sang?"

Date: 2016-03-17 01:25 am (UTC)
utselet: (i wanted)
From: [personal profile] utselet
She nods and leans forward urgently, her heartbeat picking up a little as she scans the book. She needs this, maybe even more than she herself realizes. She needs to feel like she's accomplishing something here. And yet, there's a little current of fear there, too, a little voice asking her if she's really going to go through with this.

But she's never listened to that voice before, for better or worse, and she ignores it now. She holds up her hands in what she thinks feels like the right position, her fingers bent uncomfortably. "Yes?"

Date: 2016-03-17 09:24 pm (UTC)
utselet: (until i die)
From: [personal profile] utselet
She looks increasingly incredulous as the spell becomes more complex, but she tries to follow the movements of his hands, warping her own into the positions she's learned. She mumbles the tongue twister under her breath until she's sure she has it down, and then she tries to run everything through together, and--

--nothing. Not the first time, nor the second. She lets out a despairing little sound, the flush of frustration rising in her cheeks. It's only with a great deal of self-control that she holds back from an outburst.

Date: 2016-03-18 11:25 pm (UTC)
utselet: (than i thought)
From: [personal profile] utselet
She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, trying to settle herself. When she's calm, she tries it again, being careful with the timing, staring intently at her hands to be sure they're doing what they should be. And--

"Quentin," she whines when absolutely nothing happens yet again, her shoulders slumping. Her eyes sting with helpless exasperation, but she blinks it back, rubbing her temples. "I--" She cuts off, shaking her head, holding out her hands. "Again," she echoes unhappily. "I know."

It ends up taking six attempts, by which time she's so wound up that she actually shrieks when she sees the steam suddenly blossom from her cup, pressing her hands to her mouth.

Date: 2016-03-19 02:50 pm (UTC)
utselet: (Default)
From: [personal profile] utselet

She does feel a little weak, though she's not totally sure if it's from effort or from shock. There's a stubborn streak of pride in her that won't let her just drop in front of him, so she sinks down carefully and steadily into her chair, staring at the steaming cup. She hesitates, then reaches out to touch it, giving another tiny jump when she feels the heat.

"What happens if I do that somewhere else?" she asks. "To a piece of paper, or-- I don't know. To light a cigarette?"

Date: 2016-03-20 05:55 pm (UTC)
utselet: (until i die)
From: [personal profile] utselet
Her excitement fades a little. She looks from him to the cup and back again, brow furrowing.

"That's it?" she asks, sounding rather less impressed. All that work for something she could have done in less time with a microwave?

Date: 2016-03-20 09:33 pm (UTC)
utselet: (i will leave my mark)
From: [personal profile] utselet
"How many?" she asks, even though she knows it was largely rhetorical. Really, though -- she wants to know. The exhilaration is waning quickly, dismay and exhaustion bubbling up to fill the gap. How long and how hard is she going to have to slave over this, again?

She looks back at him. "I don't need to control firefly with my mind," she says plaintively.

Date: 2016-03-21 01:28 pm (UTC)
utselet: (i was here)
From: [personal profile] utselet
Nina takes a deep breath and nods, calming herself. "That makes sense," she agrees, sounding a little apologetic. She really doesn't mean to be as difficult about it as she knows she is.

She thinks for a moment, reaching out to touch the teacup lightly, feeling its heat through the ceramic. "I just want to be able to protect myself here," she murmurs. "That's still all I really want. I just don't want to be so afraid anymore."

Date: 2016-03-21 06:28 pm (UTC)
utselet: (i wanted)
From: [personal profile] utselet
She mulls this over. It would work in a fight, in a pinch, but not all of the dangers she fears are quite like that. Not necessarily things that can be cured by knocking one person out one time -- neither in these close quarters, nor out in the world where any bid for freedom means being hunted.

"Could you make me disappear?" she asks suddenly, twisting around to look back up at him. "Or-- could I do that? Is that possible?"

Date: 2016-03-21 10:09 pm (UTC)
utselet: (i was here)
From: [personal profile] utselet
She doesn't even really have time to be disappointed before he turns into some kind of sugar plum fairy before her eyes -- which makes it rather difficult to concentrate on what he says next, but she does get the gist. Not that, then.

"Maybe fainting to start with, then," she concedes. "Now change back -- you're freaking me out."

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Quentin Coldwater

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