IC INBOX for The Last Voyages

[magician_king]

You know what to do.

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[ninefox]

"Yes," he says, with a gust of breath, weariness and relief. "Or - escape? Or maybe both."

[magician_king]

"No marks-"

He says, absently, the realizes;

"-would it upset Fives? I won't keep secrets from him, but I don't mind not explaining the full extent of what's happening to you that doesn't leave cuts or bruises."

[ninefox]

"Yes."

He knows it, and part of him already resents Fives for it, for the sheer hypocrisy of treasuring the burns Jedao put on him while being so perturbed by seeing Jedao hurt. It's not kind, it's not fair, it makes perfect sense if Jedao steps away from it. It's not like Jedao didn't know what he was getting into, for all Fives' bravado about being equals off the battlefield. He's thirteen years old and Jedao is his general. Weakness isn't a luxury Fives can always afford him, and it's a small enough sacrifice for everything Fives has given him.

But he has too much skullfucked time here. He can't just box things up and crush them into the pit and focus on the next battle like he used to be able to. It all spills out, bleeds out, crawls through his cracks like a tide of ants. He needs - scouring, before it all nibbles him to down to the bone. Before he does something worse and it doesn't even work.

"I know I should just. Handle it. But I don't. I don't know." How.

[magician_king]

"So I do know a little about this, because my best friend was super into it. I lack experience, but have what you could call a pretty healthy theoretical grounding."

He explains, quietly, lips against the top of his head.

"But what worries me, is this. In our time on earth it's usually paired with a fair amount of power exchange. Of dominance and submission. And I know you've got some buttons there that we probably don't want to push right now. It means we have to be extremely careful how we craft what we're about to do."

But saying, right up front, what they will do.

[ninefox]

"I don't know what's complicated about just not doing what you tell me," Jedao says, even as his body sags a little against Quentin in silent relief. "And then not being made to regret it. But if you want to be careful, we can be careful."

[magician_king]

"There's like, this point five band range of things you are naive about, and this is in it."

Says Quentin, arms folding tight around him, just for a heartbeat.

"But I'll get you through it. So- what I need, is for you to have three safewords. A silent one, for when you're gagged, one that means stop everything get me down and one to mean the thing you're doing isn't good but if you readjust we should keep going."

[ninefox]

"If we're being careful, maybe you just shouldn't gag me," Jedao points out, which he considers his good-faith contribution to the entire concept of caution, even though the immersion of being gagged sounds wonderful.

He holds up his right hand as if he were gripping a throwing knife, thumb against the tips of his index and middle fingers, fourth finger and pinky tucked against his palm. Sword and gun grips would be more instinctive but less distinctive for Quentin to see, and his hand won't forget this one either. He considers the longer gesture of a grip flip, but that seems unnecessarily complicated.

"Abort." Canceling a mission gone wrong will play better with his panic response, if he has one, than admitting a weakness. "Roses."

Because fuck the Andan.

[magician_king]

"If I'm doing magic on you, I can't be sure that soundproofing charms won't interact with them."

He supplies, quietly, by way of explanation.

"And I think I need to do a lot of magic to run this effectively. I also think I don't have the personality to punish you for failing to follow orders. I'd rather just- be something that happens to you that you can't control."

[ninefox]

"Yes," Jedao agrees, reaching for one of Quentin's hands, thumb stroking up his metacarpals to the knuckles, smiling a little, although his face is still out of view for Quentin, tucked together the way they are.

"We don't need the provocation game," Jedao explains, fondness mostly obscuring the way this seems obvious to him. "I asked."

Asking means he trusts Quentin to give it to him, or at least not to withhold it as power play. Asking means Jedao wants more from Quentin than what he can manipulate out of him.

[magician_king]

"Do you ever get so hurt or scared that you think you'd have trouble communicating with me rationally that you need to stop?"

He asks, still leaning against him, eyes now shutting.

"I can imagine us getting into trouble."

[ninefox]

There's a long few beats where Jedao just keeps touching Quentin's hand, knuckles digging for a little while into Quentin's palm, massaging the disproportionate magician's muscles there.

"This isn't working is easy. I need to stop is harder, but I'm better at it than I used to be. This is the thing I'm scared of, you could use this to destroy me, that's hardest, even when I'm calm." Although he did it once, with Quentin, with nothing but a ragged scrap of sneering contempt to cover the horror of it: I'm afraid of the dark.

Although he still doesn't have the courage to draw attention to it.

"I've...done things here I didn't want to, because I was scared. Not during sex, but still." Here meaning, on the barge; here meaning, with someone who would never have asked it of him if he hadn't compulsively hidden how he could be so easily hurt. "But I was a lot more guarded with him than I am with you. As long as I remember it's you, as long as I don't have to - explain stopping." He thinks he could do it.

[magician_king]

"I know you're scared of the dark."

Says Quentin, who never notices a single thing, but has a peculiar vault of information when it comes to the people who matter to him.

"I don't want to go to that kind of place."

[ninefox]

Jedao - twitches. Not big enough to be a jerk, not directional enough to be a flinch, but an all-over inescapable bodily reaction nonetheless.

Yes.

"Fear is - hard. Pain is easy. I don't want to be afraid. I don't even want to be coherent enough to be afraid."

[magician_king]

"Okay."

He says, and reaches up to grip the nape of his neck.

"So now, or do you need some time to get ready for it?"

Squeezing just once, reassuring;

"And that includes, do you have time to spend a few hours with me afterwards? I will need aftercare."

[ninefox]

Jedao twists, takes Quentin's face in both hands, kisses him in a way that somehow manages to be both hard and sweet, intimate and insistent, a rough-edged innocent rock candy kind of kiss. Thank you, he means, desperate and hopeful together, still tangled in himself but no longer thrashing.

He pulls away reluctantly, thumbs still brushing Quentin's cheeks.

"I don't want to miss my shift again. We're always short and Alec already covered for me during...everything. After lunch?"

It gives them both a little bit of time, too, without making Jedao wait long.

[magician_king]

"When you come back to my room, you come in, and you lock the door behind you. If you don't say a word between the time the door closes and you throw the lock, the next thing that happens will be that I overpower you and hurt you with my magic."

Quietly, turning his head to rest against his shoulder.

"Text me information you think I need if stuff comes up before then. Tell Fives you won't be available tonight."

[ninefox]

"Okay," Jedao agrees, stroking a hand through Quentin's hair. "Do you want me not to talk if it's not to use a safeword? Generally, I mean."

[magician_king]

"I'm going to gag you right away the first time. So let's feel it out in the future later."

For right now, he already knows he'll need the quiet to work.

[ninefox]

"Okay." He squeezes Quentin's wrist.

"I told Fives a long time ago - it's easier for me to say yes than to say no. Of - the category of true things, I mean, not saying yes because it's easy. If I mean no but can't say it, I'm all deflections and distractions and avoidance. If you ask if I want something and I say yes straight out, it's true. If there's a time when you need to know that...I'll be able to say it. Or even just nod for you."

[magician_king]

"Here's how I see it."

He says, looking up at him;

"If I harm you badly, it means we're taking longer before we do it again. And yeah, you could probably fake it- but only probably. Wouldn't it be better to work together to try to make sure that you are genuinely safe? Don't think of it as shameful. Just help me find my way with you. The way you would tell me if I were about to overbalance and fall off the edge of the bed."

[ninefox]

He's quiet for - a little too long. It would be easy to agree, to reassure. Because of course that makes perfect sense. But really helping Quentin find his way means not letting the easy misconceptions stand.

"I don't think it's shameful. Or, well, maybe a little, but not in a way that matters. I think it's dangerous. It's safer in the long run to endure an accident than to expose a weakness, hand over a weapon that can be used repeatedly, with intent." One careful breath. Two.

"Think is overstating the case. It's something I know in my back teeth, in the pit of my stomach. I trust you as much as I trust anyone in all the worlds, Quentin. I don't think you'd use my no against me. I do want to help you. And unless something goes really catastrophically awry, I'll be able to remember that. But you asked me to be careful. And I thought it might be. Reassuring. To be better briefed what you can rely on, even then."

[magician_king]

"You're so used to protecting your weak spots that it's compulsive. Not something you can necessarily control. Something you've been able to overcome a little with me, but it's not realistic if we stumble on a trigger that you won't reflexively continue to disguise it. Probably even likely, because you will be upset."

Answering, to try to make sure he's tracking.

[ninefox]

"Yes. Mostly yes." He flexes his hand, wishes for - no.

"Compulsion is - a strong word that is sometimes accurate. I can overcome it, because it's you, if I'm - incentivized. Which I am. And if I'm able to think past my first instincts, which is how we're having this conversation. And some things are much harder to admit than others. But I'm asking you to put me in a state where I'm not primarily thinking rationally. Or at all. So - the odds of reverting to instinct increase."

[magician_king]

"It's something you're working on- actually very successfully, when you think about it. But the point of this is that you have a few minutes where you don't have to try so hard."

Reaching up, finally, and carding his hair back.

"Eat a good meal, drink a lot of water. Tell me if you're still hungover when the time rolls around, I want your brain and body absent outside stuff."

[ninefox]

He huffs out a breath, and his smile is a little tender, a little raw. He didn't realize until he heard it how much he wanted to hear it. He's worked so hard, and it's - gratifying, for someone to notice.

"I should be clear by then. But I will," he promises. He gives Quentin a quick peck on the mouth before eeling off the bed. "You too! You can start by finishing your breakfast!"