IC INBOX for The Last Voyages

[magician_king]

You know what to do.

Comments

[credere]

Because...

[He isn't sure he can articulate it, but he tries.]

Sometimes I want to just...not be me. Or a version of me that can...see things more clearly.

[magician_king]

But that's not the defining feature of being a werewolf. I mean, maybe it's a part of it, but it's not the biggest part.

[credere]

I know there are other things. That I'll have to control. But I've had a lot of practice.

cw graphic description of hypothetical cat death

[magician_king]

A lot of practice because you've already got one huge weight around your neck.

People who aren't already frayed kill their friends and family. Pets are pretty common casualties, too- you have a dream, you wake up, and you're vomiting Goldstein's fat and fur and veins.

[credere]

Oh God.

I just.

I wanted -

[There's a long silence that he's spending with his face buried in Goldstein's fur.]

You're right. I'm stupid.

[magician_king]

You're not stupid. You're one of the least stupid people I know.

But you maybe need to think this over a hell of a lot.

[credere]

I am stupid. And selfish.

[And hyperventilating.]

I didn't think, I - when you, when we...

I just wanted to feel like that again. And it's going to be so long before I can do that myself. If I ever can.

[magician_king]

Well-

[Hesitating, wanting so badly to make him feel better. Just to offer.]

Maybe there's a way you can. Maybe I catsit for you through the learning curve?

[credere]

N-no. Not if it's like that. I can't...learning-curve out of bad dreams.

[magician_king]

Okay.

So my real advice is this; whichever offered to turn you, talk to the other one, ask them for the most brutal, worst-case-scenario they've ever seen in their lives, and what they'd do about it.

And in the meantime, maybe it wouldn't hurt to go play in the Enclosure, just a bit? I'd need you to- keep your head after. I got really scared last time, that's why I've been so shitty about it, but you honestly did scare me, C.

[credere]

Why?

What did I do that was scary?

[magician_king]

You acted- frantic. Like you wanted so badly to lose yourself it was out of control. I remember you begging me, turn me back, turn me back with these eyes, like-

I thought I'd ruined your life. I hated myself.

[credere]

Oh.

You didn't.

[His voice gets smaller with every word.]

I didn't know I'd made you feel like that.

I'm sorry.

[magician_king]

It's not your fault. I just- didn't know how to talk about it.

I'm only brave enough to try now because it sounds like you're still kind of in trouble.

[credere]

I'm fine. I'm just stupid.

I didn't think.

I - Lark. He wouldn't want me to -

Not after I. In the flood.

I'm fine.

[magician_king]

You are not stupid, you're just startled.

Seriously Credence- what do you need right now?

[credere]

I don't know!

I don't know anything -

[There's a crackle on the line, like electrical interference, and labored breathing.]

[magician_king]

I'm here.

[He says, softly and keeps the line open.]

I won't come over unless you say I can, but I'm here.

[credere]

[Credence makes a quiet, shuddery noise and then clears his throat.]

I'm sorry I bothered you.

[magician_king]

You didn't bother me. You're my friend!

[credere]

But I have these - these dumb ideas I d-don't think about. I don't know what I want or what I need.

I've been here for a year and I still don't know anything.

Maybe he was right about me.

[magician_king]

I've been here three years and I know way fucking less.

[He promises, collapsing back onto his bed, with a soft sigh.]

We're going to get you there. To being a- whatever. And I'm serious, if you think tonight is a night where we should do it, we can do it. I'm- prepared to trust you with it. Now that I know you. And you know how serious it is.

[credere]

No. No thank you.

I....don't think we should talk about it again.

[magician_king]

Sorry.

[He says; rarely is it him who loses his composure, but tonight, he can't keep it up. His voice tears on the word.]

[credere]

No. It's not your fault. Please.

[His voice is cracking too, getting small and desperate.]

I didn't want to upset you.