He's still thinking about things he can't control. Nightmares. Floods.
Veins and fur. He can't have what he wants. There's no escape from what he
is. There never was. That's fine.
Credence hasn't even touched his wand since the flood. Then again,
everything else has gone to hell, too. Sleeping, eating. He's been
meticulous about making sure that Goldstein is cared for.
"I...maybe."
He feels like he's letting Quentin down. He's already proven himself to be
irresponsible, selfish, stupid. He doesn't want to disappoint him even more.
He just needs to give Goldstein one final, careful stroke before carefully
depositing him onto his bed, and closing the door to keep him in. Safe, for
now, from the idiot he decided to live with.
He doesn't feel like pointing out that he asked for them not to talk
about those options again. As much as he wants them. As much as the
memories are some of his favorite places to retreat to.
He says, going really red now, completely wrongfooted, tongue tied to the point where the only thing to do now is watch the deck and put one foot in front of the other
He still doesn't know how to express 'this is all kind of fucked up and I
really don't know how to reassure you that it's okay' except how Rey taught
him, so he leans in for a quick but meaningful hug.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2018-02-06 12:44 am (UTC)He shakes his head.
"I don't want to b-be the first person who knows if you die. I'm sorry."
That's what it is, to him. Not a skeleton key, but the opportunity to know when he could have saved his friend from terrible pain and didn't.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-06 12:47 am (UTC)He points out, but stops backing off, at least.
"It'd let you be what you want to be. Without the risks."
no subject
Date: 2018-02-06 12:51 am (UTC)Credence swallows the lump in his throat.
"I - I don't think that's true."
He's still thinking about things he can't control. Nightmares. Floods. Veins and fur. He can't have what he wants. There's no escape from what he is. There never was. That's fine.
"Please take it back."
no subject
Date: 2018-02-06 12:54 am (UTC)He says, at last, baffled, but too wrong-footed to argue. He comes slowly over, holding his hand reluctantly.
"If that's what you want."
no subject
Date: 2018-02-06 12:57 am (UTC)No. Maybe. He has no idea what he wants, any more. Can't trust himself to even guess.
Freak.
He places the poker chip back into Quentin's hand.
"Thank you for offering. It's - very kind of you."
no subject
Date: 2018-02-06 01:00 am (UTC)He says, tucking it in his pocket, watching the floor.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-06 01:04 am (UTC)"You did a lot. You - I would have done something - really bad. Really stupid, and selfish, and wrong. If you hadn't talked to me."
He means it. He's flagellating himself a bit harder than usual, but the gratitude is genuine.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-06 01:16 am (UTC)He's really desperate to do something, anything.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-06 01:21 am (UTC)Credence hasn't even touched his wand since the flood. Then again, everything else has gone to hell, too. Sleeping, eating. He's been meticulous about making sure that Goldstein is cared for.
"I...maybe."
He feels like he's letting Quentin down. He's already proven himself to be irresponsible, selfish, stupid. He doesn't want to disappoint him even more.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-06 01:22 am (UTC)He promises, softly, but very sincerely.
"Just call me. That's all."
no subject
Date: 2018-02-06 01:32 am (UTC)"I will. I promise."
When he stops feeling lost and sick and terrible. That'll happen soon. Probably.
"...could you just - let me in once? And - unless it's lessons, I. I won't ask again."
no subject
Date: 2018-02-07 12:22 am (UTC)He offers, trying to read his expression carefully.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-07 12:25 am (UTC)Credence nods.
"Now. Please. I just - "
He just needs to give Goldstein one final, careful stroke before carefully depositing him onto his bed, and closing the door to keep him in. Safe, for now, from the idiot he decided to live with.
"I'm ready."
no subject
Date: 2018-02-07 12:51 am (UTC)"Fox or goose?"
He could do more, but doubts Credence wants to wait for paste.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-07 12:56 am (UTC)"W-what? No. Neither."
He doesn't feel like pointing out that he asked for them not to talk about those options again. As much as he wants them. As much as the memories are some of his favorite places to retreat to.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-07 12:58 am (UTC)He says, going really red now, completely wrongfooted, tongue tied to the point where the only thing to do now is watch the deck and put one foot in front of the other
no subject
Date: 2018-02-07 01:00 am (UTC)"No, I'm sorry." Credence doesn't blush, he blanches, his face going grey and hollow. "I - I should've been clearer. I just...need some time."
no subject
Date: 2018-02-07 01:02 am (UTC)"You can- program in whatever you'd like. Here."
Tapping it with the chip to wake the room up.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-07 01:06 am (UTC)"Thank you. Um."
He still doesn't know how to express 'this is all kind of fucked up and I really don't know how to reassure you that it's okay' except how Rey taught him, so he leans in for a quick but meaningful hug.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-07 01:13 am (UTC)"Come find me. Whenever. I'll wait for you, okay?"
no subject
Date: 2018-02-07 09:18 am (UTC)"Okay," he mumbles, and draws back just a little. His eyes are red and a bit wetter, but his expression calmer. "Th-thank you."
no subject
Date: 2018-02-07 02:38 pm (UTC)He says, and backs off a few steps, then turns reluctantly to go, leaving him to the enclosure, going to go find a private corner to curl into.