magician_king | IC INBOX for The Last Voyages

Needless to say, this doesn't get to be a silent drop - Credence scoops it up, stares for one uncomprehending moment, then opens the door.

"Quentin-?"

Goldstein is still cradled against his body with his other arm.

"Hey."

Says Quentin, freezing, caught. It's harder to pretend to be calm in person.

"So- that'll get you into the Enclosure."

And then it lands. He remembers that Quentin's warden gave him his Item, but he doesn't recall seeing what it was.

"I - n-no. This is yours. He gave it to you."

He holds it out, on an open palm.

"I can't think of anything in the world I'd rather do with it."

He promises, backing up a step, tucking his hands behind his back.

"Seriously. It's better if it's with you."

"I don't want it! I don't - "

He shakes his head.

"I don't want to b-be the first person who knows if you die. I'm sorry."

That's what it is, to him. Not a skeleton key, but the opportunity to know when he could have saved his friend from terrible pain and didn't.

"I never die. I haven't since my first month on board, three years ago."

He points out, but stops backing off, at least.

"It'd let you be what you want to be. Without the risks."

Credence swallows the lump in his throat.

"I - I don't think that's true."

He's still thinking about things he can't control. Nightmares. Floods. Veins and fur. He can't have what he wants. There's no escape from what he is. There never was. That's fine.

"Please take it back."

"Okay."

He says, at last, baffled, but too wrong-footed to argue. He comes slowly over, holding his hand reluctantly.

"If that's what you want."

"Yes."

No. Maybe. He has no idea what he wants, any more. Can't trust himself to even guess.

Freak.

He places the poker chip back into Quentin's hand.

"Thank you for offering. It's - very kind of you."

"I'm sorry that I couldn't do more."

He says, tucking it in his pocket, watching the floor.

"You did a lot. You - I would have done something - really bad. Really stupid, and selfish, and wrong. If you hadn't talked to me."

He means it. He's flagellating himself a bit harder than usual, but the gratitude is genuine.

"Want to step up your training rate? We could go to four classes a week."

He's really desperate to do something, anything.

Credence hasn't even touched his wand since the flood. Then again, everything else has gone to hell, too. Sleeping, eating. He's been meticulous about making sure that Goldstein is cared for.

"I...maybe."

He feels like he's letting Quentin down. He's already proven himself to be irresponsible, selfish, stupid. He doesn't want to disappoint him even more.

"Anything, anything you want, I am here for."

He promises, softly, but very sincerely.

"Just call me. That's all."

"I will. I promise."

When he stops feeling lost and sick and terrible. That'll happen soon. Probably.

"...could you just - let me in once? And - unless it's lessons, I. I won't ask again."

Edited 2018-02-06 17:42 (UTC)

"Yeah. Now? Now."

He offers, trying to read his expression carefully.

Credence nods.

"Now. Please. I just - "

He just needs to give Goldstein one final, careful stroke before carefully depositing him onto his bed, and closing the door to keep him in. Safe, for now, from the idiot he decided to live with.

"I'm ready."

He nods, and turns in that case, to lead the way.

"Fox or goose?"

He could do more, but doubts Credence wants to wait for paste.

"W-what? No. Neither."

He doesn't feel like pointing out that he asked for them not to talk about those options again. As much as he wants them. As much as the memories are some of his favorite places to retreat to.

"-oh. Oh, sorry, I misunderstood."

He says, going really red now, completely wrongfooted, tongue tied to the point where the only thing to do now is watch the deck and put one foot in front of the other

"No, I'm sorry." Credence doesn't blush, he blanches, his face going grey and hollow. "I - I should've been clearer. I just...need some time."

He walks him the rest of the way there, heart in his throat, and clears his throat when he gets to the panel.

"You can- program in whatever you'd like. Here."

Tapping it with the chip to wake the room up.

"Thank you. Um."

He still doesn't know how to express 'this is all kind of fucked up and I really don't know how to reassure you that it's okay' except how Rey taught him, so he leans in for a quick but meaningful hug.

Quentin gasps, and folds into his shoulder, hanging on tight for a heartbeat, relieved and warm and okay again, as long as Credence promises.

"Come find me. Whenever. I'll wait for you, okay?"

"Okay," he mumbles, and draws back just a little. His eyes are red and a bit wetter, but his expression calmer. "Th-thank you."

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magician_king - 2018-02-07 14:38 (UTC) - Expand