You saved us, I think. From - certain much more perilous things than you.
I'm not really used to having debts of this magnitude to people who are still alive.
[There's a soothing cadence to his voice, as if matched to what he can hear of Quentin. Jedao himself is - bemused, grateful, at a genuine loss how to properly respond. But at least this: Quentin wanted to know.]
We're still in it at all because you got me through the worst of the panic and made me promise to say things I wouldn't - wouldn't have let myself, otherwise.
I've probably told him half a dozen times already he doesn't have to, but I think there's nothing for it but attrition. And he does have his own reasons for wanting to get to know you.
I can ask him to stop if it's - I don't know, a painful reminder. Conversely you absolutely have my blessing in advance, if he ends up figuring out how wonderful you are for his own sake.
He's not one of your heroes. The whole point of the clones is that nobody cares. The chancellor's point, anyway, I'm not sure Lucas cared enough to have one, except that they live and die for nothing so the Jedi can be more important.
[This would paradoxically be less bitter if he let himself sound bitter, instead of bleak and grave and completely unsurprised.]
Fives is about as sensitive to being treated as interchangeable as you are thoughtless imperatives. I thought you'd do better simply...encountering him as his own person first.
[He wonders, unguarded enough to ask. It's not a trap; there's every chance. He's so focused sometimes that other people just become background noise.]
I don't think you would have been callous. Awkwardly tactless, maybe, especially if your anxiety got the better of you.
If it were the only thing you knew about him, you'd start off thinking of him in that framework by default. That's not a comment on you, it's just...how knowledge works. And I didn't want to tell you more than that because I wanted you to form your own impressions.
I want not to sink into paralysis and isolation. I can feel myself teetering on the brink, like that sick feeling where your inner ear adjusts. I went up, and now if I let myself go down, it'll be down.
[He means this very literally; he had more close calls with that pond in winter than someone of his intelligence really should have. It's the kind of memory that lingers, that flavors the tragedies that came after.]
I think you two could be really good friends to each other, if I just don't let myself be paranoid and controlling and try to play all your moves for you. If I overcorrected, I apologize.
No, I don't think you've done anything wrong. I don't think he has, either.
I'm not sure what to do about knowing if this is for real, though. Would he be at all interested in this if he didn't feel like he had to make it up to you?
We don't think you have. We're all very different people trying our best.
[So, there's that.]
Yes.
It - bothers him, for himself, that he doesn't know why we would have bothered him. He thinks if he gets to know you, maybe he'll understand his reaction better. And he would never normally bother a magic user with his interest, most of them feel too much like Jedi to him. But he's fascinated, and - he loves to learn, he just can't show it the way people expect, because he was conditioned not to risk asking questions that weren't obviously tactical, and maybe not even those. And he'll feel better being useful, having something to offer in exchange.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
[private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-07 10:39 am (UTC)I'm not really used to having debts of this magnitude to people who are still alive.
[There's a soothing cadence to his voice, as if matched to what he can hear of Quentin. Jedao himself is - bemused, grateful, at a genuine loss how to properly respond. But at least this: Quentin wanted to know.]
[private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-07 10:41 am (UTC)[He says, amused and unguarded. One small hurdle jumped, time for the next one.]
[private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-07 10:50 am (UTC)[private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-07 11:38 am (UTC)But I should warn you that we aren't through it yet. I'll eat my hat if he doesn't try to seduce me on your behalf.
[private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-07 11:51 am (UTC)I've probably told him half a dozen times already he doesn't have to, but I think there's nothing for it but attrition. And he does have his own reasons for wanting to get to know you.
I can ask him to stop if it's - I don't know, a painful reminder. Conversely you absolutely have my blessing in advance, if he ends up figuring out how wonderful you are for his own sake.
private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-07 11:57 am (UTC)He's... younger than I realised, hey? Somehow.
private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-07 12:03 pm (UTC)[ private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-07 12:57 pm (UTC)[Waking up a little, now.]
[ private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-07 05:12 pm (UTC)[This is not an insincere question. But: doubt.]
He's not one of your heroes. The whole point of the clones is that nobody cares. The chancellor's point, anyway, I'm not sure Lucas cared enough to have one, except that they live and die for nothing so the Jedi can be more important.
[This would paradoxically be less bitter if he let himself sound bitter, instead of bleak and grave and completely unsurprised.]
Fives is about as sensitive to being treated as interchangeable as you are thoughtless imperatives. I thought you'd do better simply...encountering him as his own person first.
[ private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-08 12:27 am (UTC)[He wonders, unguarded enough to ask. It's not a trap; there's every chance. He's so focused sometimes that other people just become background noise.]
[ private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-08 12:43 am (UTC)If it were the only thing you knew about him, you'd start off thinking of him in that framework by default. That's not a comment on you, it's just...how knowledge works. And I didn't want to tell you more than that because I wanted you to form your own impressions.
[private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-08 12:48 am (UTC)Which, hey, will be an opportunity for him to get any aggression out.
[Which is a joke.]
[private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-08 12:51 am (UTC)[private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-08 12:53 am (UTC)[private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-08 01:17 am (UTC)[He means this very literally; he had more close calls with that pond in winter than someone of his intelligence really should have. It's the kind of memory that lingers, that flavors the tragedies that came after.]
I think you two could be really good friends to each other, if I just don't let myself be paranoid and controlling and try to play all your moves for you. If I overcorrected, I apologize.
Re: [private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-08 01:21 am (UTC)I'm not sure what to do about knowing if this is for real, though. Would he be at all interested in this if he didn't feel like he had to make it up to you?
[private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-08 01:33 am (UTC)[So, there's that.]
Yes.
It - bothers him, for himself, that he doesn't know why we would have bothered him. He thinks if he gets to know you, maybe he'll understand his reaction better. And he would never normally bother a magic user with his interest, most of them feel too much like Jedi to him. But he's fascinated, and - he loves to learn, he just can't show it the way people expect, because he was conditioned not to risk asking questions that weren't obviously tactical, and maybe not even those. And he'll feel better being useful, having something to offer in exchange.
[private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-08 06:58 am (UTC)[He says, brightening.]
[private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-08 07:41 am (UTC)[And it's super fucking cute.]
[private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-08 07:42 am (UTC)[For the enthusiastic, the new, the tender hearts.]
[private/voice]
Date: 2018-02-08 07:49 am (UTC)