[Okay. Annie was enthusiastic. Alec...accepted it was his
decision. Shiro, he hasn't had the balls to speak to. Quentin is probably
his biggest hurdle.]
...You know that we have some people on board who can...turn into wolves?
A lot of practice because you've already got one huge weight around your neck.
People who aren't already frayed kill their friends and family. Pets are pretty common casualties, too- you have a dream, you wake up, and you're vomiting Goldstein's fat and fur and veins.
So my real advice is this; whichever offered to turn you, talk to the other one, ask them for the most brutal, worst-case-scenario they've ever seen in their lives, and what they'd do about it.
And in the meantime, maybe it wouldn't hurt to go play in the Enclosure, just a bit? I'd need you to- keep your head after. I got really scared last time, that's why I've been so shitty about it, but you honestly did scare me, C.
You acted- frantic. Like you wanted so badly to lose yourself it was out of control. I remember you begging me, turn me back, turn me back with these eyes, like-
Private/Voice
Date: 2018-02-05 08:08 am (UTC)I need to ask you a favor. Please.
Re: Private/Voice
Date: 2018-02-05 08:28 am (UTC)Re: Private/Voice
Date: 2018-02-05 08:33 am (UTC)I...
There's something I want to do, and it's...
I want you to know about it, because I think you could stop me if it goes wrong.
Re: Private/Voice
Date: 2018-02-05 08:49 am (UTC)So... What's going on?
Re: Private/Voice
Date: 2018-02-05 09:02 am (UTC)[Okay. Annie was enthusiastic. Alec...accepted it was his decision. Shiro, he hasn't had the balls to speak to. Quentin is probably his biggest hurdle.]
...You know that we have some people on board who can...turn into wolves?
Re: Private/Voice
Date: 2018-02-05 11:00 am (UTC)Why?
Re: Private/Voice
Date: 2018-02-05 11:01 am (UTC)[Oh. He knows who. Is that better or worse?]
I've asked someone to...make me. Like that.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-05 11:38 am (UTC)[Alarmed, openly, but he loves him enough to ask;]
Why?
no subject
Date: 2018-02-05 11:41 am (UTC)Because...
[He isn't sure he can articulate it, but he tries.]
Sometimes I want to just...not be me. Or a version of me that can...see things more clearly.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-05 11:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-02-05 11:45 am (UTC)I know there are other things. That I'll have to control. But I've had a lot of practice.
cw graphic description of hypothetical cat death
Date: 2018-02-05 12:06 pm (UTC)People who aren't already frayed kill their friends and family. Pets are pretty common casualties, too- you have a dream, you wake up, and you're vomiting Goldstein's fat and fur and veins.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-05 12:13 pm (UTC)Oh God.
I just.
I wanted -
[There's a long silence that he's spending with his face buried in Goldstein's fur.]
You're right. I'm stupid.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-05 12:37 pm (UTC)But you maybe need to think this over a hell of a lot.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-05 12:42 pm (UTC)I am stupid. And selfish.
[And hyperventilating.]
I didn't think, I - when you, when we...
I just wanted to feel like that again. And it's going to be so long before I can do that myself. If I ever can.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-05 12:48 pm (UTC)[Hesitating, wanting so badly to make him feel better. Just to offer.]
Maybe there's a way you can. Maybe I catsit for you through the learning curve?
no subject
Date: 2018-02-05 12:51 pm (UTC)N-no. Not if it's like that. I can't...learning-curve out of bad dreams.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-05 12:54 pm (UTC)So my real advice is this; whichever offered to turn you, talk to the other one, ask them for the most brutal, worst-case-scenario they've ever seen in their lives, and what they'd do about it.
And in the meantime, maybe it wouldn't hurt to go play in the Enclosure, just a bit? I'd need you to- keep your head after. I got really scared last time, that's why I've been so shitty about it, but you honestly did scare me, C.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-05 12:58 pm (UTC)Why?
What did I do that was scary?
no subject
Date: 2018-02-05 01:00 pm (UTC)I thought I'd ruined your life. I hated myself.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-05 01:02 pm (UTC)Oh.
You didn't.
[His voice gets smaller with every word.]
I didn't know I'd made you feel like that.
I'm sorry.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-05 01:10 pm (UTC)I'm only brave enough to try now because it sounds like you're still kind of in trouble.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-05 01:14 pm (UTC)I didn't think.
I - Lark. He wouldn't want me to -
Not after I. In the flood.
I'm fine.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-05 01:15 pm (UTC)Seriously Credence- what do you need right now?
no subject
Date: 2018-02-05 01:17 pm (UTC)I don't know!
I don't know anything -
[There's a crackle on the line, like electrical interference, and labored breathing.]
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